Do you ever just want to get away? Pack your bags and go? Do you question how your life is going and what you are doing with it? Do you worry that you are too old to fulfill one dream and too young to fulfill another?
That’s life, I suppose.
I blame turning 30. I’m not old by any means. I had no issues turning 30. I wasn’t scared, I didn’t cry about it, I didn’t become fearful at mentioning how old I would be. But at 30 I’ve decided that life just isn’t worth living unless you are living. Are you picking up what I’m throwing down? Are you catching my drift? Should I add a few more cliches so you know what I’m talking about?
I work a normal 9-5 job (or rather a 6-2:30 job). I sit in a little cubicle and push paper around my desk for 8 hours a day. Luckily I have a big window with a big window sill so I’m not stuck with no link to the outside world. And in those 8 hours, while doing my job, all I can think about is when I can leave. Every day I listen to travel podcasts. “Shall I go to Paris, Ireland, Amsterdam, Sweden or Finland today?” is what I ask myself around 8am, as more co-workers filter in. I turn on my MP3 player and listen to a French movie, not because I can understand even half of what they are saying but because its a different language than what I am used to hearing. I go online to the Tunein website and select a radio station from France or Belgium or Poland just so I can hear a few songs in different languages or even just listen to the DJ talk. When I get home I check out websites like Trip Advisor, Virtual Tourist or websites for expats and dream some more. Every other day I switch the background of my computers to another location.
I know that right now I can’t pack up and leave. Its not an excuse, its just the Gods honest truth. I have a fiance here, a condo, a car. But this 8 hour a day job, this paper pushing, this monotonous job is the precursor to the life I want to live with Angie. I want to be the person that says “Oh, last week we went to Paris!” like its the most normal thing in the world. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wouldn’t it be amazing to know that in 6 years where you live will be paid off? That your car will be paid off, that all you have to pay for is car insurance, phone, and electricity which in reality doesn’t cost much. I can’t pack up and go right now but it sure is amazing to know that by the time I turn 37 this paper pushing job will be a thing of the past. It gives me hope on the worst days and its a little bit of sunshine.
Every day I dream about Paris
Every day I dream about Belgium
Every day I dream about Poland
Every day I dream about Finland
But mostly…I dream of Paris. I miss Paris so much I feel it in every bone in my body. There is an ache for it. An ache to experience life there. To live there and breathe the Parisian air and befriend the French and understand them and know them. I will forever be grateful of the time I’ve spent in Paris, even if it is never enough time.